Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
