You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
