I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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