I heard we made out
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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