Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
