WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
