I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The Olympian is in my bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
