I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
