i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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