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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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