Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
