you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize