Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
