My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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