She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize