I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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