Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
false alarm, still single
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
