I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
