Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
