Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
