Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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