At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
