You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
