first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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