i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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