I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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