Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize