i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
