butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
