i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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