So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am available for nakedness
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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