so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize