first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
