Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
