i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
