turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
