have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
