Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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