Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
