Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
