I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize