So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
