I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My liver just broke up with me...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
