I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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