help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
