Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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