We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
