No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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