I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
