Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
