Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize