I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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