She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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