The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize