I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
