Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
me + whiskey = a bad person
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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