It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
