I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
