I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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