Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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