i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
