I just pynch a tree in the face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
