the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
