i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
