if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
