I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
