We're like a lot better than the average bears
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
