It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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