Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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