very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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