..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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