Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
