When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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