You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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