You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
