How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
