hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
40s are totally the cure
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
