Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
