you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
