Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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